Posted by: heartfull | August 20, 2008

Canadian Baby Stealers

John and I travel through Canada laughing about our border crossing the whole way.  Seriously – it provided hours of enjoyments.  Still, I couldn’t shake the nagging worry that we were going to be held up at the border.  I even called my mom and verified that she would be home that night so if I needed her to go over and grab their birth certificates and fax them to me, she could.

We arrived in Niagara Falls around 4:00 and had a great time walking along the observation wall.  We tried to buy tickets to go behind the falls but the elevator was broken that day.  We walked to the touristy down town area and ended up in line at The Rainforest Cafe where Bird had “the best dinner ever” and I had the worst.  Seriously, I have never had hummus as disgusting as what they gave me.  Also – I have never paid so much for hummus, good or bad.  And the service was s-l-o-w and rude.

At 10:00 (I said they were slow…) we got back in the car and spent 45 minutes trying to leave Niagara.  Apparently they really liked us, because the signs leading us to the bridge to get back into the US led us on a wild goose chase – and we weren’t the only ones.  The minivan in front of us was obviously trying to do the same thing and appeared just as lost.  After a quick stop to grab a Chamber of Commerce map, we found our way and, once again, approached the border guard station, this time with trepidation.

This guy was also surprised that we didn’t have the birth certificates, but he shrugged and asked us to open up the van and he looked in to, presumably, verify we weren’t trying to sneak any Canadian babies into the USA.  I have heard that police and the like always talk to the youngest since they rarely lie.  This guy took that route as well.

US Border Guard:  Hi!

Chip:  Hi!

USBG:  Where have you been?

Chip:  We go to big… we go see it…it was….We go to big THING!

USBG:  …. (the above was said in a syntax that only Chip’s close relations would have understood.)

USBG:  What is your name?

Chip:  I not Chip!

ARGHHHHH!  What the hell?  Why did my son just say that?  I started nervously giggling and yelled out “he IS Chip” which only confirmed to the USBG that probably I was a Canadian Baby Stealer only I had messed up and stolen a baby that wasn’t going to be tricked by my brainwashing techniques.

USBG then looked at Mare and Bird who had barely bothered to take their eyes off the Disney movie on the DVD player.  And with that, I calmed down.  I mean, that was so American.

He waved us through and we were on our way to Cape Cod.


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