John and I decided that it was time. Chip had been waking us up multiple times a night, and each time he must nurse to get back to sleep. Or maybe he was waking up specifically to nurse. Who knows? Either way, it was driving both of us insane. So, on Thursday night I explained to Chip that we would nurse at bed time and then wouldn’t nurse again until my alarm went off or the sun came up (on weekends.)
Thursday night was hell. I knew it would be. I have been through this twice before, which is part of the reason I had put it off for so long with Chip. I night-weaned Bird when I found out I was pregnant with Mare, so right around 20 or 22 months. She was devastated, but after about a week of night-time crying (three nights of which were intense) she adjusted. Mare never nursed much at night and so her night weaning was pretty easy, but still involved loads of tears and heaps of guilt.
Chip, though, is a totally different nurser. He is demanding. He wants it on his terms. And his terms are pretty much 24/7 access. Ugh. This can be really hard on me and makes thoughts of weaning him entirely float through my head on a regular basis. Being the breastfeeding advocate that I am, though, I can’t go that far, yet. I feel that it is too important to him. So, in trying to figure out a compromise, I have tried to set limits but quite honestly, the tantrum isn’t worth it. So we nurse. A lot.
I don’t know what time he first woke up on Thursday night/Friday morning. But he did and boy was he pissed when I wouldn’t nurse him. I felt bad for him as he screamed in the bed next to me. Kind of. I knew it was necessary for my own sanity, and so while sadness was one of my emotions, the over riding one was actually resolve. Resolve that this was the best thing for me.
Then, as he lay there screaming and trying to put the words to his intense feelings, he finally said “I nurrrrrrrrrse! I nurrrrrrrse mama! Please! Please! I nurrrrrrrse! It. It… (gulp) It… is my favorite!”
I almost gave in. Almost.