Posted by: heartfull | February 18, 2008

Playdates, Friends and Geography

Bird had a playdate this weekend that seeemd to go very well. At least, it passed the “We’re bored” litmus test. I was very relieved as I have been worried about Bird’s friendships this year.

She is happy and get along well with the other girls in the classroom, though she misses the “best friend” status she had last year – she and Jourdynn were assigned different classrooms this year and at this age, geography seems to be the most important factor when it comes to best friends.

Getting back to the playdate issue – Bird wants to have them, but doesn’t seem to know who to invite, and this stresses me out (I know, I know, get over it, mom.) She isn’t particularly close to any of the girls in her class this year. From my point of view, it never seems like anyone calls her. Oh sure, Jourdynn, Melanie and Emma have all initiated playdates with Bird. But, that is over the course of 1/2 a school year. I guess I just imagine that all the other girls are getting together constantly. I’m too self conscious to ask the other moms if this is true (after reading this, is anyone here surprised?)

Thinking about the situation, I remember back to who I played with when I was very young, and what I recall the most is being at my neighbor’s house. I could walk there. It made spontenaity possible and getting home easy when boredom, disagreements or hurt elbows occurred. Wait a minute… This is sounding like geography again. Revelation! Bird plays at least two to three times a week with the little girl across the street who is only a year older. And with this revelation comes relief.

I talked with Bird about the geography issue last week. She had seemed worried, though I don’t know if it is the lack of a best friend or if she is picking up on her mom’s angst. She thought about “geography” and seemed relieved.

I’ve resolved to not suggest playdates anymore and let her lead on that. A little bird is telling me that there doesn’t seem to be a problem, but I might just be able to create one if I make her feel left out when she isn’t.



  1. I struggle all of the time with trying NOT to instill my own insecurities and worries upon my daughter. I worry about her being left out, not having enough friends, being overweight, being teased…. and then I take a look at her. And she says something to remind me…. she is her own person. It’s hard to let them grow up and not try to wrap them up and cushion them from the hard things.

  2. Yes – exactly. Everything I’m worrying about is exactly what I obsessed about growing up.

    And, ya know, I just want her to be more relaxed than I was.

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